The question of what to do when the love of your life leaves was asked of me recently.
This one is easy as within the question lies a blaring contradiction. The phrase ‘love of your life’ implies a mutual commitment. Love is commitment, plain and simple. As you watch their backside fade into the distance, you can be sure, with all certainty, that they are not the love of your life. Be glad they’ve opened the space up in your sphere for a more genuine and courageous love to reside.
Abandonment is not a loving act. If they leave with the hope of you chasing them… let them and all their insecurities go. You don’t exist to fill the holes of another’s deflated ego. Love doesn’t demand to be chased. In fact, love doesn’t demand anything of you that doesn’t honor and celebrate who you are.
So, when the ‘love of your life’ leaves, let them go. Allow yourself to grieve. Feel the depths of despair. Have pity on yourself. Think nasty thoughts about them. Lie in your funk just long enough for your brain to get the fact that what you wished for, were hoping for and were expecting did not exist with the one who left. Though it may feel like an eternity, this shouldn’t take too long. If it does, seek professional counseling to help you through. The key is dropping the fantasy of what might have been and accepting the truth.
Once your brain catches up with reality, come on back out into the World and mix and mingle with the other 6 billion people who live here with you. Millions would love you if they knew you. Among those millions are thousands of individuals from which to choose a ‘love of your life’ from.
Love yourself enough to honor your desires to the degree that anything less than respectful, loving connections are not an option. That applies to anyone you commit a piece of your Soul to – friends, lovers, family, spouses.
Now, if you desire a level of connectivity with the type that leaves you, don’t complain when they go. If you insist on making things work with a philanderer or a jezebel, you’ll be working really hard; so hard that you’ll be sacrificing your Self. Your sanity, your peace, your perspective will be under their control.
How can you simply do you if you’re wrapped up in someone else’s baggage? You can’t. The love of your life fits into your world almost seamlessly. The challenges you face with your love lead you to further embrace your genuine Self.
Be loving to yourself, expect to be honored for who you are and let those who aren’t truly with you fade away. You deserve that much, don’t you?
Honor yourself.
Simply do you.
9 Comments
You should be the love of your own life. People come and go for whatever reason. We shouldn’t put so much faith into a person. We were living before they came a long and will still live after.
Felicia – I Complete me’s last blog post..I Want to Hear From You!
You never cease to amaze me with your words, girl! Beautiful post!
Christie-A Work In Progress’s last blog post..Overdue Overwhelming Gratitude
Your words are like poetry. Great post!
Although, the phrase “the love of your life fits into your life almost seamlessly”, I think could spark an interesting debate.
Sapphire’s last blog post..My Mother-in-Law is DYING!!!
So true Felicia. You can have faith in your beloved’s love and intentions, but you can’t control future events. All relationships eventually come to an end – sometimes against the will of both. The constant in our lives is the relationship we have with ourselves, which is more fulfilling and powerful than what we could ever have with another. It is our healthy connection to Self that makes loving another possible.
I agree Sapphire. Please share your thoughts…
such amazing words… all which help me through this. thank you, and bless you.
Thank you Blue. I’m honored to have helped you and wish you well. Now go and mingle with the other 6 billion souls who share this world with you!
I’m sorry, but I have to fundamentally disagree with your post. I am in the unfortunate position of having ‘found’ the love of my life again, after 26 years. I have been essentially rejected, and of course it has been an agonizing process.
There are a few reasons I don’t agree with what you are espousing here…
True love is not a ‘committment’. True love is unconditional. This I know by my own example. This is further supported by your simplistic recommendation to ‘think nasty thoughts’ about them. I harbor no ill will towards the person I love, though it has turned out to be other than what I had hoped.
There is, in actuality, a scientific basis for what I’m going through…So regardless of how many people are on the planet, this person will always be the one for me. The reason is that young love tends to ‘imprint’ on the brain, rather like a mother/child type bonding. So, for me, this person, this set of feelings cannot be replicated.
This has unequivocably been the most painful thing I’ve experienced in my lifetime, but would I trade it and not know real love? No.
Your situation does seem agonizing Jen. I can’t imagine how it would feel to believe my one and only Love has rejected me. The key word is believe. If you decide there is no one else in this world for you, you will live that belief alone.
The way we live life is based on our perceptions of what’s possible for ourselves.
I don’t know what scientific basis you’ve chosen to sit upon, but I do know that enduring, reciprocal, respectful love is awaiting you on the other side of this pain. It might be with the one who just rejected you, or you might just connect with someone else.
Enduring. Reciprocal. Respectful. Love.
True love is unconditional; but relationships aren’t built on unconditional love alone. Committing yourself to relating to another is what bonds you and enables you to emerge from any storm stronger, wiser, evolved and together. Love stands by you when times are tough. Love is right there with you’re at your lowest. Love gives when you’ve nothing to give back. Love sees your beauty when you’re at your worst.
Imagine a mutually unconditional and committed love.
As time passes, you might find the love of your life returning. This just may not be the time for relationship for them. In the meantime, you’re experiencing an awesome opportunity to further define what it is you want from your connections, and what love feels, looks and smells like to you.
If you choose to believe this Love was your one and only, once in a life time shot, at least you have experienced what true love means to you. Many live a lifetime and never truly know…
May your pain propel you to previously unimaginable heights of empowerment and understanding.