Check Your Perceptions of Others

How many of your perceptions of others have come from a third, fourth or fifth party?

Be honest. No one else can hear your thoughts, so have a moment of Truth.

Here’s an example that’ll take you to where I’m going…

Let’s say Person B told you Person A was an ambitious workaholic. You, Person C, took what B said, added a bit of your personal experience to the perception and came to a set of conclusions about A. You subconsciously equate ambition with cut-throat aggression because in your experience ambitious people will stop at nothing to achieve their goals. Your mother was a workaholic. Her rarely being around made you feel lonely as a child. Your programming says these types aren’t trustworthy – you know, like your Grandmama used to say… This internal dialogue happens so quickly that you aren’t aware of how entrenched you are in the perceptions you hoist upon others.

A few weeks later, you happen to meet Person A and your brain instantly begins validating your perceptions because we humans always want to be right. A’s wearing red, you know, that loud attention-getting aggressive shade. You think A’s handshake is way over the top. You wonder what she’s trying to prove to you. Ms. A has voluntarily organized a charity event to feed and clothe disadvantaged children; but you think A’s philanthropic efforts are nothing more than means to her ambitious ends. You hold back in your conversation because she doesn’t seem sincere or trustworthy. You might not know exactly why, but something about her repels you. You can hear what your Grandmama used to say echoing in the confines of your mind…

What you didn’t know about Person A is the pain and frustration she experienced wearing second hand clothes and going to bed hungry as a child. You didn’t know that she decided at the age of ten that she’d reach a level of success and give back to children who live her past. You couldn’t see the infinite ways her ambition was lifting the hope and spirits of her, and your, humanity. You didn’t see past your limited perceptions which were clouding your view like Grandmama’s cataracts. You couldn’t see.

Person A didn’t see you either. Not ever hearing anything about you before, she thought you were reserved and a tad standoffish. You’re not shy. In fact you’re usually quite open and approachable with much to share about your interests and passions. Without the seeds planted by Person B, you might have seen a caring, self-sacrificing individual who, despite wearing red, would have shared genuine interest or two with you. You might have opened yourself up to a deeper conversation. You might have connected in a meaningful way that helped the two of you see each others Truth.

Person A may never know you’re the perfect fit for the position Person D is looking to fill. It’s the work of your dreams and the boost in pay you deserve. When Person A recapped the night’s events with her dear friend Person D, the only mention of you was how you seemed reserved and shy. With that exchange, a false perception of you was born from A and D’s brief conversation.

Too bad you missed out on both a new, interesting friend and an opportunity to shine professionally.

Did I mention how Person A was awarded the six-figure contract that Person B had high hopes of winning? It was a fair exchange, but Person B was feeling disappointed and insecure about the situation when you two last spoke.

We’ve arrived to my point…
This is how false perceptions gain powerful influence. No one had bad intentions. While A, B, C and D were taking in bits of information and coming to what they believed to be logical conclusions, they all failed to see the who’s of the situation.

You’ve done this too. Yes, you have.

1. I ask again: how many of your perceptions of others have come from a third, fourth or fifth party?
2. What decisions have you made from the blind spot of your self-centered perceptions?
3. Who is it that you’ve presented underneath a layer of your bad wrap, in the nasty hue of what you define as a bad light?

Take a second look and admit that you don’t know the whole of anyone else’s story. Admit that you don’t have the capacity to sum anyone up but your Self.

No, you don’t.

Be honest about the false bits of information you’ve adopted as Truth. Take a second look at someone you’ve summed up without getting to know. While you’re at it, you’ll begin to see what pieces of You have clouded your perceptions. You’ll clearly see how much of your perception is You and how much is someone else’s reality.

Let them be and simply do you.