Who’s Pissing You Off?

They piss you off. Not because of violent, dastardly types of offenses (I don’t go that deep here); but because who they are seems to interfere with your energy.

When they show up, you think, “Damn.”. Your thoughts take on a funky flavor – like the remnants of a Tylenol that stuck to your tongue on the way down.  Just the mention of their name… “Damn.”.  Their way of breathing just turns you off. The sound of their voice… “Damn…!”.

It’s completely normal to have a few folks in your sphere that you wish would go find another circle in which to live and play. Within that group of folks, there will be a few who invoke feelings of annoyance, frustration and/or anger from time to time – this is also normal. But, when you get to the point of pissiness at the mere mention of their name or sight of their face, you owe it to yourself to explore the reasons you’ve given someone the power to piss you off.

And yes, anyone whose mere presence alters the way you feel has some level of power over you – only because you’ve granted that power to them.

Some Circumstances That Piss You Off

People get pissed when they want to be right and their superiority is being challenged. You know what you know. There are certain things you’re absolutely correct about. No doubt about it. And everyone else knows they’re absolutely correct too.

The problem is this: no one can be right until first proving everyone else wrong.  The moment you set out to show another competent human being how wrong they are, someone will end up thinking, “Damn. Here comes his righteous, narrow-minded ass.”.  

We clash when we want to achieve a shared goal, in our own individual way. You wouldn’t have even noticed them if they hadn’t been offering an opinion on, giving direction about or jumping in to do the thing you were doing quite well on your own. They feel the same way about you. Again, you want to be right and they do to. Now, someone’s thinking, “Damn. If she doesn’t shut up and leave me alone to do this…”.

We don’t like being mistreated (which means something different to e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e).  You fool yourself into believing they should know what you want and don’t want because that’s much easier than facing the fact that you’re not honoring your Self in some way.  Your way of resolving the conflict is to settle into a state of pissed-offness and leave it at that.  You each think you’ve got the other figured out, so you’re both feeling mistreated and being disrespectful. And this gets you what? “Damn. Go away bitch!”.

Sometimes the source of your anger stems from your own insecurities. We sometimes feel pissy toward another because we’re frustrated that they enjoy something we want, but can’t have. Sure, you’ll find some superficial reason to entertain pissy thoughts about them, but you’re really putting yourself down by elevating someone else. You say you don’t like them, when it’s truly a piece of You you don’t like. The more you resist and disagree with the paragraph, the more it’s true for you.  Whoa. This goes to deep to roll up in this post. I’ll write about the relationship between anger and insecurities another time.

What is it about you that can’t just let go?

Why not let bygones be bygones, relax into your experience and accept what others have to share with you?

Some of you enjoy the release that comes with being pissy with other people. It keeps the focus away from shit you don’t want to face in the mirror… Oh. I’m stepping over into a future post again.  For the rest of you – the ones who don’t get off on being pissed off, remember: The negative thoughts you invest in others, make you… a negative experience.

1. If you insist on being right, you’ll miss the chance to collaborate with others in a meaningful way. You’ll miss out on learning a few things you need to know. You don’t know everything about what you think you know everything about. No. You really don’t. Don’t get pissy when someone challenges you.  Consider that they may be on to something, you might learn something. Don’t try to save face if you end up being wrong, show some gratitude for the lesson this person has allowed you to learn. 
2. If you think you’re the only one in this whole world that knows how to get something done, you’ll always be doing that thing by your damn self.
3. If you chose anger over understanding a perceived slight, you’ll never know that their intention was not to hurt you.  You’ll miss the chance to understand that they were protecting themselves from you, just as you were protecting yourself from them. Most of us have no desire to be in the midst of another’s anger. Settling into a state of pissed alienates you from people who could ultimately add something positive to your world. The richness of what someone stands to teach you is matched by the degree to which they piss you off.  Take a step toward the person that most aggravates you so that you can better understand the part of You your’re not dealing with.
4. Check back in a few days if you’re courageous enough to face the raw brand of pissiness that arises from your own insecurities.

So, Who’s Really Pissing You Off?

You don’t have to like or want to be around everyone, but there are times when you have no choice but to be around someone that brings pissy feelings out of you.  Ultimately, your anger has nothing to do with them and everything to do with your own perspectives.  It’s your emotion living in your mind.  It’s really You pissing yourself off.  Yep.  Your anger is all about You. 

If you can muster up the courage to face and respectfully engage (with grace) the people who bring pissy feelings out of you, you’ll be removing one of the great barriers to being free to simply do you. 

You’ll never grant another the power to piss you off when you’re truly cool with You. 

Simply do you.