How Could [He, She, They] Do This To Me?

Remember the last time your feelings got hurt or your ego was bruised.

You wanted them to notice, appreciate, admire… you. They, he or she didn”t.

You wanted to keep it hidden – there was no need to drag it all back out in the open. They, he or she drug it out.

You wanted to celebrate. They, he or she didn’t.

You went through all of that… They, he or she didn’t notice.

You [fill it in]… They, he or she [fill it in].

You. They.

If you drop the ‘They’ statements above, you’re left with… You.  Just You, your ego and your feelings. You.

When you focus on the ‘They statements’, on some level, you lose your connection to your own train of thought.  The more you make your feeling and ego about they, he and she, the less you understood what was going on in You.  When you don’t know what’s really going on within your Self, no one else will either.  Can you really expect them to?

Maybe that’s why we naturally tend to focus on what they, he and she did when we’re hurt – to avoid dealing with what’s going on inside of us.

Do you know they, he and she are living completely separate lives of their own?  They, he and she may love you and think you’re the ultimate example of supreme humanness; but they, he and she are not part of You. They’re just as wrapped up in their own thoughts as you are – as they toss their own expectations back your way.

We all, for the most part, don’t intend to hurt feelings or step on egos (a discussion of the times we do will come in another post).  Isn’t that what you thought the last time you hurt someone?  “I didn’t know that would hurt you…”.  “I really didn’t mean to…”.  You felt bad about it, didn’t you.

The next time you feel let down, take a moment understand what it is you’re actually asking for. Find a way to directly express it. Lighten up on your expectations of others – they’re living in within the confines of their own mind (ego) – just like you.

What is it you wanted that you didn’t get?

• Recognition? Earn it. Ask for it.
• Attention? Ask for it.
• Encouragement? Just ask.
• Admiration? Don’t expect that from everyone. It only counts when it’s genuine. Respect the beauty in our differences and you’ll remember not everyone admires, likes, enjoys the same things you do.
• Privacy? Ask for it. Establish and honor your boundaries.
• Happiness? You want someone to be happy because you think they should be? Or, are you blaming someone else for your lack of happiness? The dangers and nastiness of those mindsets deserve separate posts.

So, here’s the challenge.

Let they, he and she be. Just take whatever action they did that’s made you sad off the table.  This is not easy for most of us; however, this is the only way to leverage your pain and frustration in a way that leads to getting more of what you’re wishing for.

1. In the midst of your hurt, embrace the rawness and humanness of You by centering back into what it is you want that you’re not getting.
2. Muster up the courage to take responsibility for your own feelings by acknowledging the truth: you can’t decide how others should be, feel or act; but you do have the right and ability to heal what you feel. They, he and she cannot do this for you.
3. Figure out what you want and do something to earn it or ask for it.

The moment you start thinking, “…but they, he and she made me [feel, be, think, do]…”.  Go back to number 1.

The Rewards

Peace of mind, more fulfilling relationships and freed up energy for the things that make your world a desirable place all await you on the other side of your big ol’ bruised ego.  I promise they do.

Just remember:  your feelings and ego are all about you – not them.

Simply do you.